Lori & her kids came yesterday. No issues with new people invading your space & in fact at Grandma's today when we were getting ready to leave you wanted to stay where all the people were & were relieved when Grandma said we were all coming to your house. However, you still struggle maintaining what everyone else is doing. We watched the movie Penelope tonight & at first you were fine but after a while you got distracted & doing your pretend thing where you act out your own little play...out loud! I finally offered you the computer just so we could watch the movie in peace!
Also, huge battle just getting you to put your socks on. You're 7 years old & still want me or Dad to dress you. I finally told you that if you are too much of baby to put your socks on you are too much of a baby to have any screen time (computer, TV, iPod, iPad). Even with that, it still took awhile. You were in the truck, barefoot (in December) & until you saw the girls with their DSI's, you wouldn't do it. You are Stubborn. You have got to get in the habit of dressing yourself. You are just getting too big!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Heaven
I read another blog today. The writer commented that her MIL (Mother In Law) had said that when her son gets to heaven he won't have autism. The writer was upset by this comment. I think because heaven is so far away & assumes no cure for autism.
Bear with me as a ramble. I promise, I will tie these two strings together. In a Christmas letter I received last year from a friend, she commented at the bottom..."just passing through". That struck me. I still think about that comment a lot. We are "just passing through". We are only on this earth for a time. It seems like a long time. But in the span of eternity, it is just a brief moment! For me & you, we are just passing through on our way to heaven.
Actually, I am often comforted by the fact that you won't have autism in heaven. I am so curious about what goes on in your brain! Yes, you talk & are actually a good talker finally (even though you didn't start until you were about 3 or 4). But, you don't really communicate. At least not the way a NT kid will communicate.
Here's an example. You missed your Christmas party at school last week. You refused to do your schoolwork. You were warned that you needed to get the work done before the party. You didn't finish so had to go the resource room to finish while the party was going on. You told me that evening & again the next day that you missed the party. That's it. That's all you said. You said it three times so I knew you were upset, even though you didn't act upset. You didn't complain. You didn't make any excuses. You just told me, three times, you missed your party. How do I know you were upset? Because that day, I was paying attention. I wonder how many other times I'm not paying attention and I miss what you are trying to communicate to me.
I hope you get better at telling me what is going on in your brain. But if you don't, we can catch up on everything I missed once we get to heaven. We will have an eternity to do it!
Bear with me as a ramble. I promise, I will tie these two strings together. In a Christmas letter I received last year from a friend, she commented at the bottom..."just passing through". That struck me. I still think about that comment a lot. We are "just passing through". We are only on this earth for a time. It seems like a long time. But in the span of eternity, it is just a brief moment! For me & you, we are just passing through on our way to heaven.
Actually, I am often comforted by the fact that you won't have autism in heaven. I am so curious about what goes on in your brain! Yes, you talk & are actually a good talker finally (even though you didn't start until you were about 3 or 4). But, you don't really communicate. At least not the way a NT kid will communicate.
Here's an example. You missed your Christmas party at school last week. You refused to do your schoolwork. You were warned that you needed to get the work done before the party. You didn't finish so had to go the resource room to finish while the party was going on. You told me that evening & again the next day that you missed the party. That's it. That's all you said. You said it three times so I knew you were upset, even though you didn't act upset. You didn't complain. You didn't make any excuses. You just told me, three times, you missed your party. How do I know you were upset? Because that day, I was paying attention. I wonder how many other times I'm not paying attention and I miss what you are trying to communicate to me.
I hope you get better at telling me what is going on in your brain. But if you don't, we can catch up on everything I missed once we get to heaven. We will have an eternity to do it!
Baseline
One of my new years resolutions is going to be to post more here. Do you have any idea how many times I wish I had been tracking your progress (or lack of) so I could reflect back & maybe learn from what I've posted?
So, I'm just going to jump in today. It's December 26th. The day after Christmas. You are 7. Jessica is 11. For Christmas, Jessie got a pottery wheel (that she hardly used), a sweater (that she wants to trade in & that's fine because her & I have very different taste & I would have been shocked if I was able to pick out some clothing item that she loved), a puzzle, a game (apples to apples), a root beer making kit, & some makeup (lip gloss, nail polish, & hair coloring stuff). You got a game (penguin game) & a puzzle (dinosaur), a bear (you wanted a beanie buddy bear just like Jessie's "beary" only brown or yellow), and a bike. So the bike was questionable because you are getting so tall. We actually measured you today for the Wi game & you are 4'1" tall. So, we needed to go at least 18" bike but the 20" would have been ideal but guess what! You are still using training wheels! And 20" bikes don't come with training wheels. You know how to pedal but you get frustrated easily when you can't steer/pedal at the same time (these hills up here are tough to bike up). I worry that you will never be able to ride a bike without training wheels!
But here is some encouragement for me....you started playing with the Wi about a week ago. You started bowling. Then Jessie started bowling with you. Then you two started playing baseball. Your dad & I are sitting in the living room watching you bowl; I'm wondering if Dad taught you this & I'm sure your dad is wondering if I've taught you. I asked him if he knew you could do this & he says "no". This seems to happen quite frequently actually. Something you couldn't do (or wouldn't do) & I wonder if you will ever be able to do it & then one day you just do it!
I can't remember the book of the bible this comes from but the verse is "do not be anxious about anything but with prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". "Do Not Be Anxious About Anything". That's hard. But it sinks in a little when this kind of thing happens.
So just to provide you with somewhat of a baseline of where you are right now:
-As I mentioned, you are 7 years old. You are in 1st grade. You met a new friend at school (Bianca). The school is struggling with you...if you don't want to do the work or whatever activity that they are working on, you will find a way to get out of the classroom. Just leave, maybe. Start screaming or saying "boorrrinnngg". You are still biting & hitting occasionally at school. Bit through Kim's jeans into her ankle about a month ago enough to draw blood (my question was how the heck she let you get ahold of her that firmly without shaking you free...not that it's ok for you to bite ever & I'm not excusing your behavior but she's a grownup & you are 7 so you'd think she'd have figured out how to get a biter NOT to bite her).
-You are a good reader & are good at math but you don't like to do it - at least not for "homework" or because you are supposed to. We started you in piano about 3 months ago & you are not yet reading music (Ms. Joyce is still working on a lot of the preliminary stuff so actual piano playing has not started yet). You love music so I think if I can stick with it (I say "I" because it's quite a challenge to get you to go somethings. You always say you don't want to go but once you get there you always seem to do fine - typical, by the way). Jessie is playing too. She's ahead of you - partly because she is older & partly because she played the recorder in 4th grade & is playing clarinet this year in 5th grade. But, I suspect you could get ahead of her quick enough. I think music might be more your thing than hers. I might be wrong. We'll see.
-We went to Hawaii earlier this month. Our first real family vacation. We were worried about how you would do on the plane. It was your first flight & it was a long one. A couple short flights from Missoula to SLC & then SLC to LA but then about 5-6 hours between LA & Hawaii. You loved looking out the window! Occasionally, you played with the iPad or iPod. You & Jessie did GREAT! Jessie is a lot like Dad. Happy to hang out at the pool & swim or work on their tans. You & I, on the other hand, can only seem to stand so much of the pool before we want to do something. We went to Volcano National Park & swam with the dolphins (I think the dolphins were a highlight for you & Jessie both).
So, at this time, I better go. You are wanting to play on the computer so are hanging on me. I'm telling you you need to keep your feet on the floor & you listen but within 2 minutes your feet are back up on the back of my chair.
So, I'm just going to jump in today. It's December 26th. The day after Christmas. You are 7. Jessica is 11. For Christmas, Jessie got a pottery wheel (that she hardly used), a sweater (that she wants to trade in & that's fine because her & I have very different taste & I would have been shocked if I was able to pick out some clothing item that she loved), a puzzle, a game (apples to apples), a root beer making kit, & some makeup (lip gloss, nail polish, & hair coloring stuff). You got a game (penguin game) & a puzzle (dinosaur), a bear (you wanted a beanie buddy bear just like Jessie's "beary" only brown or yellow), and a bike. So the bike was questionable because you are getting so tall. We actually measured you today for the Wi game & you are 4'1" tall. So, we needed to go at least 18" bike but the 20" would have been ideal but guess what! You are still using training wheels! And 20" bikes don't come with training wheels. You know how to pedal but you get frustrated easily when you can't steer/pedal at the same time (these hills up here are tough to bike up). I worry that you will never be able to ride a bike without training wheels!
But here is some encouragement for me....you started playing with the Wi about a week ago. You started bowling. Then Jessie started bowling with you. Then you two started playing baseball. Your dad & I are sitting in the living room watching you bowl; I'm wondering if Dad taught you this & I'm sure your dad is wondering if I've taught you. I asked him if he knew you could do this & he says "no". This seems to happen quite frequently actually. Something you couldn't do (or wouldn't do) & I wonder if you will ever be able to do it & then one day you just do it!
I can't remember the book of the bible this comes from but the verse is "do not be anxious about anything but with prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". "Do Not Be Anxious About Anything". That's hard. But it sinks in a little when this kind of thing happens.
So just to provide you with somewhat of a baseline of where you are right now:
-As I mentioned, you are 7 years old. You are in 1st grade. You met a new friend at school (Bianca). The school is struggling with you...if you don't want to do the work or whatever activity that they are working on, you will find a way to get out of the classroom. Just leave, maybe. Start screaming or saying "boorrrinnngg". You are still biting & hitting occasionally at school. Bit through Kim's jeans into her ankle about a month ago enough to draw blood (my question was how the heck she let you get ahold of her that firmly without shaking you free...not that it's ok for you to bite ever & I'm not excusing your behavior but she's a grownup & you are 7 so you'd think she'd have figured out how to get a biter NOT to bite her).
-You are a good reader & are good at math but you don't like to do it - at least not for "homework" or because you are supposed to. We started you in piano about 3 months ago & you are not yet reading music (Ms. Joyce is still working on a lot of the preliminary stuff so actual piano playing has not started yet). You love music so I think if I can stick with it (I say "I" because it's quite a challenge to get you to go somethings. You always say you don't want to go but once you get there you always seem to do fine - typical, by the way). Jessie is playing too. She's ahead of you - partly because she is older & partly because she played the recorder in 4th grade & is playing clarinet this year in 5th grade. But, I suspect you could get ahead of her quick enough. I think music might be more your thing than hers. I might be wrong. We'll see.
-We went to Hawaii earlier this month. Our first real family vacation. We were worried about how you would do on the plane. It was your first flight & it was a long one. A couple short flights from Missoula to SLC & then SLC to LA but then about 5-6 hours between LA & Hawaii. You loved looking out the window! Occasionally, you played with the iPad or iPod. You & Jessie did GREAT! Jessie is a lot like Dad. Happy to hang out at the pool & swim or work on their tans. You & I, on the other hand, can only seem to stand so much of the pool before we want to do something. We went to Volcano National Park & swam with the dolphins (I think the dolphins were a highlight for you & Jessie both).
So, at this time, I better go. You are wanting to play on the computer so are hanging on me. I'm telling you you need to keep your feet on the floor & you listen but within 2 minutes your feet are back up on the back of my chair.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Fear & Grace
Today is Thursday, July 10, 2008. You are 3 years and 9 months old. Tuesday held quite possibly the worst fear of my life. While camping at my uncle Gary's in Columbia Falls during a Reese family reunion, you became lost. It was about 12:30 pm & you were in the kitchen. I gave you a banana & you peeled & ate it & came back for another. That was the last I saw of you for several hours. My mom asked me to help put lunch out so Michelle & I spent a few minutes microwaving left overs & bringing lunch downstairs. Then I fixed you a plate & went looking for you. Within 5-8 minutes of searching, I couldn't find you so I asked the others for help.
This property, it's huge! Other than the area that holds the house & yard, the landscape is dense & woody with about a 5-7 foot creek running through the property. There were about 12 of us looking for you & within another 20 minutes or so, I asked Gary to call Search & Rescue. The Sheriff's office was the first to show up & I spoke to a kind man named Ernie. He explained that before search & rescue is called in, he needed to search the property, telling me that 80% of the time kids are found somewhere in the house or yard. When it became clear you were not to be easily found & when I explained your autism (which he was familiar with through a colleague who has a son with autism), he did call in search & rescue. In addition, a child alert called every home within a 3 mile radius to alert neighbors. Finally, after what seemed forever (probably only about 30 minutes) people started showing up. Cousin Jeremy & Katie left work to come to help look, Jeremy called friends who came to look, Gary's kids Kegan & Kelsie were searching Laurel's property (where the horses were that you had been so curious about), neighbors were searching.
Shortly after we called search & rescue I figured I better call your Dad. He was working in Kalispell & was there within about 20 minutes. KJ & Eric had just arrived in town on Sunday so this was the first I had seen of them. When Dad asked me what happened, I immediately started sobbing, again, as I relayed the story. I'm sure I made quite the impression on KJ, Eric & Mollie who had come in a separate vehicle (anticipating the worst, your Dad wanted them to be able to take Jessie away if necessary). Your Dad then went with Gary in his car to start searching.
I was told to stay close so that I was available to search & rescue & the sheriff's office for questions or whatever. It was difficult to stand around, basically, while everyone else was searching for you.
At about 2:30, a neighbor had called the sheriff's office to report that they had seen you walking on Witty lane, heading north, at about 1:30. We had not been looking in this direction at all as you would have likely had to have headed up the dirt driveway, the only driveable way from Gary's property. Shortly after you went missing, Gary & Grandpa Doc had come driving in from that direction so everyone (me included) figured they would have seen you if you were in that direction.
Everyone was panicked. I was crying one minute & relatively calm the next. I was begging God to bring you home to me; I told him I could not bear to lose you. Jessie was initially panicked & scared, crying & worried. But, she is 7 & soon became distracted playing with Emily.
Finally, at around 4:00 pm, a young neighbor woman found you. She had gotten word of a lost child from the child alert & her & her boyfriend were searching. She heard you hollar one time. She then stopped & got out of the car. You made a few more noises & she found you with your foot caught in a brush pile in a gully. Although you apparently resisted her initially, after she helped you get your foot un-stuck, & picked you up, you held on tight, not even letting go so she could get through a barbed wire fence. She marched to the road & started walking up Witty Lane. Mum says there were about a dozen cars & there she is walking with you burying your head in her neck & no one noticing you. She didn't realize it was you at first, thinking this woman had abandoned her car due to car trouble & turned around to offer her help. When she stopped & realized it was you, she cried "Conner" and you leaped into her arms.
I was standing about 10 feet from one of the search & rescue guys & heard him say you had been found. I bawled like a baby. Went inside & hugged Grandma Agnes who was crying as well when I told her you had been found.
I am so grateful. Grateful to the friends, neighbors, search & rescue, & sheriff's office - most of whom are all strangers to me & you - who dropped everything to help find you (God bless you all!). I am grateful to God you were found safe & unharmed after about 4 hours. I am grateful I put you in a bright yellow tank top that morning that made you easily spotted. I am grateful that all the things that could have happened (mountain lion, drowning in the creek, hit by a car....) didn't happen. I am grateful.
This property, it's huge! Other than the area that holds the house & yard, the landscape is dense & woody with about a 5-7 foot creek running through the property. There were about 12 of us looking for you & within another 20 minutes or so, I asked Gary to call Search & Rescue. The Sheriff's office was the first to show up & I spoke to a kind man named Ernie. He explained that before search & rescue is called in, he needed to search the property, telling me that 80% of the time kids are found somewhere in the house or yard. When it became clear you were not to be easily found & when I explained your autism (which he was familiar with through a colleague who has a son with autism), he did call in search & rescue. In addition, a child alert called every home within a 3 mile radius to alert neighbors. Finally, after what seemed forever (probably only about 30 minutes) people started showing up. Cousin Jeremy & Katie left work to come to help look, Jeremy called friends who came to look, Gary's kids Kegan & Kelsie were searching Laurel's property (where the horses were that you had been so curious about), neighbors were searching.
Shortly after we called search & rescue I figured I better call your Dad. He was working in Kalispell & was there within about 20 minutes. KJ & Eric had just arrived in town on Sunday so this was the first I had seen of them. When Dad asked me what happened, I immediately started sobbing, again, as I relayed the story. I'm sure I made quite the impression on KJ, Eric & Mollie who had come in a separate vehicle (anticipating the worst, your Dad wanted them to be able to take Jessie away if necessary). Your Dad then went with Gary in his car to start searching.
I was told to stay close so that I was available to search & rescue & the sheriff's office for questions or whatever. It was difficult to stand around, basically, while everyone else was searching for you.
At about 2:30, a neighbor had called the sheriff's office to report that they had seen you walking on Witty lane, heading north, at about 1:30. We had not been looking in this direction at all as you would have likely had to have headed up the dirt driveway, the only driveable way from Gary's property. Shortly after you went missing, Gary & Grandpa Doc had come driving in from that direction so everyone (me included) figured they would have seen you if you were in that direction.
Everyone was panicked. I was crying one minute & relatively calm the next. I was begging God to bring you home to me; I told him I could not bear to lose you. Jessie was initially panicked & scared, crying & worried. But, she is 7 & soon became distracted playing with Emily.
Finally, at around 4:00 pm, a young neighbor woman found you. She had gotten word of a lost child from the child alert & her & her boyfriend were searching. She heard you hollar one time. She then stopped & got out of the car. You made a few more noises & she found you with your foot caught in a brush pile in a gully. Although you apparently resisted her initially, after she helped you get your foot un-stuck, & picked you up, you held on tight, not even letting go so she could get through a barbed wire fence. She marched to the road & started walking up Witty Lane. Mum says there were about a dozen cars & there she is walking with you burying your head in her neck & no one noticing you. She didn't realize it was you at first, thinking this woman had abandoned her car due to car trouble & turned around to offer her help. When she stopped & realized it was you, she cried "Conner" and you leaped into her arms.
I was standing about 10 feet from one of the search & rescue guys & heard him say you had been found. I bawled like a baby. Went inside & hugged Grandma Agnes who was crying as well when I told her you had been found.
I am so grateful. Grateful to the friends, neighbors, search & rescue, & sheriff's office - most of whom are all strangers to me & you - who dropped everything to help find you (God bless you all!). I am grateful to God you were found safe & unharmed after about 4 hours. I am grateful I put you in a bright yellow tank top that morning that made you easily spotted. I am grateful that all the things that could have happened (mountain lion, drowning in the creek, hit by a car....) didn't happen. I am grateful.
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